Babe Of The Week...And what a babe...
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Confucious say:
Man with hand in pocket, feel cocky all day.
Man who stand on toilet, high on pot.
It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.
Man who wanks in cash register, come into money.
Man who drop watch in toilet, have shitty time.
Man who fart in church, must sit in own pew.
Man who finger girl having period, get caught red handed.
Man trapped in pantry, have ass in jam.
Baseball wrong-man with four balls cannot walk.
Man who eat many prunes, get good run for money.
Man who go to bed with itchy butt, wake up with smelly finger.
Learn to masturbate-come in handy.
Woman who pounce on dead rooster, go down on limp cock.
Man who buy drowned cat, must pay for wet pussy.
Virgin like balloon-one prick, all gone.
Rules for Surviving a Horror Movie
When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.
Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
Never accept invitations from strangers, especially individuals who inexplicably live in isolated areas and have no contact with society.
As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
If you're searching for the cause of a noise and find out that it's not just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.
If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
No alcohol or partying! These activities will surely seal your fate.
If you find a town that is deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.
Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chain saws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.
man desperate at Villa's current situation decides to top himself. In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last moment, he decides upon wearing his full Villa kit as his last statement. A neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident, informs the police. On arrival, the police quickly remove the Villa kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused asks why. The policeman simply replies, "it's to avoid embarrassing your family."
A Liverpool fan walks past a shop and sees the video "Liverpool - The Glory Years".
He goes into the shop and asks how much.
"£100" says the shopkeeper.
"That's a bit steep, how come it's so dear ??"
"Well its a tenner for the video and £90 for the Betamax recorder!!
What is the difference between Michael Owen and an Airfix model kit without a tube of glue? One is a Gluless Kit.....
A teacher explains to her class that she is a Manchester City supporter. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are City supporters, too. Not really knowing what a City supporter is, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air.
There is, however, one exception. A little girl named Mary has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a City supporter" she retorts. "Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?" "I'm a proud Manchester United supporter" boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red.
She asks Mary why she is a Manchester United supporter. "Well, My Dad and Mom are United supporters, so I'm a United supporter too" she responds. The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?" Mary smiles and says, "Then I'd be a City supporter." ;) Liked it didnt ya?
What do you call an Leeds fan with half a brain?
Gifted.
Why do people take a instant dislike to Leeds fans?
Because it saves time.
A man hands over a £50 note to the turnstyle operator at Maine Road. Man: Two please.
Turnstyle Operator: Will that be defenders or strikers, sir?
Slang Expressions of Today Explained...
x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*
UMFRIEND - A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed
intimate relationship, as in "This is Bridget, my ... um ...friend."
BODY NAZIS: Hard-core exercise and weightlifting fanatics who look
down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
IDEA HAMSTERS: People who always seem to have their idea
generators running.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the
Couch Potato.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly
in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's
going on.
This is a test,how many dolphins can you see? :)
